I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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