omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
