I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
