It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
