dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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