Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
