Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
