I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
