I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
