I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
