My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
