It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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