Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
