Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
