I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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