I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
