I can tuck mytits in my pants
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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