Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
