you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
