I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
