i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
