I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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