I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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