Jerry, you need to find god
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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