i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
