Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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