What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
