Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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