i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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