My first STD was from a foam party
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
