I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
