Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
