i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
