The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
