i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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