I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
