Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize