I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
