I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
