The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
