Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
