i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
