connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
