There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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