so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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