It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
