ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
