I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
