dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
3 2 1 whiskey
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
