She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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