Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
