Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
