I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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