How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
