I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
