My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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