Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
