Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
