Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
