My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
