oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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