just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
