Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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