Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
