You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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