my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
