If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
