Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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