Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
