Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
