I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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