some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
