Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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