thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
