just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
someone owes me an orgasm
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
