i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
